Mummy’s gone to London

The consequence of listening to a lot of rhymes with Sid is that I’ve now started humming rhymes while on my two-wheeler as opposed to the latest film music!! And you can obviously see the deeper impact with the title of this post.

Anyway, Mummy is really going to London leaving Sid at home for a couple of weeks And she is scared to death how this is going to work.

Well, its the first time and I guess it was supposed to happen at some point, so here it is. And also its just 2 weeks.  Atleast thats what am telling myself.

I’m planning to leave Sid with my mom in Coimbatore. Knowing Sid’s history of reacting badly to new places, I’m very nervous about how he is going to adapt. The last time I took him there, I discovered the clingy Sid. And so far I’ve all indicators to believe that its not going to be very different this time. I’ve planned to stay with him there for 2 days to get him a bit used to the place, hopefully the strategy works!!

Maybe I need more consoling than him! Maybe I’d miss him more than he would look around for me. As the days are approaching closer my initial resolve is slowly getting converted to paranoia.

There is also a small corner of mind that is looking forward to a bit of ‘me-time’, able to focus on work, read books, without being interrupted for the umpteenth time. And also the excitement of travelling to a new place and looking around. But thats a very small corner and its becoming even smaller with time.

Anyways, wish us both a lot of luck!!

 

Weekend getaway

Sid and I had a weekend getaway from our regular schedule. Well, not together though!

My mom is here and so I was on a ‘shop till you are dead mode’ this weekend. I keep the shopping urge suppressed for so long that one day when I unleash it out, it gets uncontrollable. And when my sister is also with me, the girly shopping begins and oh! I love it. How muchever nice and patient hubby can be with shopping, I cannot run amok from one shop to another and just get in and do tryouts just for the sake of it, you know. I’d get complicated questions like, ‘why do you want to get into the shop if you’re not planning on buying anything’. Ah, men dont understand certain things!! There is a unique bliss to buying trinkets off the road, walking around till your legs cannnot take just one more step, and then randomly getting into a coffee day and having that awesome strawberry shake that makes you go – ‘this is why I was born’.

We also watched Shrek 4, in 3D. The move was nice, still cannot compare to the experience of watching the first one, where you are introduced to the idea of an ogre being the hero of the movie. But it was nice, only that I wish I had watched it in 2D. The glasses were quite painful and so dirty that the screen appeared like it was behind a soapy film layer.

While amma was running wild on the Bangalore streets, Sid had a calm weekend with his grandma. He is seeing my mom after a couple of months and I wasnt sure if he would recognize her, although she literally raised him the first 12 months of his life. But the very second she saw her, he was all smiles, and had no adjustment problems whatsoever. He was happy to eat when she fed him and to sleep when she put him to bed. I was so thrilled that I got gutsy enough to leave him with her and venture out with my shopping on the very first day my mom came in. In my defense, I had only one weekend to release my pent-up madness  :)

Honestly, I was very moved by Sid’s behavior this weekend. It made me think what a sweet cutie pie he has been, adjusting to the fact that his mom is going to work and would not be available during the day. He has been perfectly ok to play and stay with anyone after the initial couple of days of validation that they belong ‘in the circle’. Even at night, I think he doesn’t mind if I dont put him to sleep, and if mom or MIL does, although I have not tried this out much, since that’s my special time with Sid. I feel a bit wierdly sad at times, that I’m his mom and he is not even looking for me when I’m gone. But, mostly, I’m happy for it, happy that I can be at peace at work or whatever I want to do, because he is not a cry baby and can stay with his extended family. Love you, chidhu.

 

Toddler times

When I started work, we made an arrangement such that my mom would come and stay with me for about 6 months until my MIL retires from work. If she had not come and stayed with me, I doubt if I would have had the conviction to come back to work. She was taking care of everything at home and Sid, so I had to just focus on getting back to work. It made the transition extremely smooth for me, and when people used to ask how you’re coping up with work and home, I used to answer that I really do not have much of coping up to do since I was having a blast honestly. So anyway, now those 6 months have gone by and so my mom has gone back to my sis and dad. It’s been 2 weeks and Sid and I have been busy adjusting. More so for me and less for Sid I guess. He is quite used to staying with my in-laws, so I’d think it’d have been an easy transition for him. But he got sick at the wrong time with a stomach infection, so it was quite worrying. Poor thing, took him a couple of weeks to recover, but now he is better and so I feel better as well. Hubby’s aunt has shifted to the same building where we stay. So now we have 3 apartments in the same building and it’s quite a family I should say. The advantage is that Sid really has a lot of company and I cherish that, he seems happier with everyone around and it makes me feel like he’ll get a rounded (read: and pampered) exposure.

My coping has been a bit tougher with the cooking and cleaning and all the house work and the actual office work. But getting used to the routine a bit over 2 weeks and it’s not as intimidating as the thought of it was. So basically, get up a bit earlier and finish off cooking for the day and then get Sid and myself ready, drop him at in-laws place and then set off to work. Evenings, pick him up, dinner, spend a bit of time with him..well, you get the routine. Only thing I worry is that I hardly seem to get time with him to actually sit and play. I’m trying to finish off cooking dinner in the morning as well or keeping it a bit light when I have to do it in the night, so I get at least a couple of hours of mom-son time. Uhh!! But all this requires a lot of discipline and it’s so hard for a person like me who hates to plan for the next meal. Now that I’ve cribbed a bit about it, I’m feeling good about getting it out of the system and can focus talking about better and more interesting things.

Sid finally knows I’m his amma. I felt like it took him ages to understand that and I sort of got lost in the family crowd. But he does now, only that he would ditch me when I ask him to point out who is amma. But he can understand when I say ammakku tha, amma thachi, etc. He also says amma a lot as a random syllable and not referring to me in particular. But today he said it casually looking at me, and I optimistically implied that as him calling me and felt very kicked about it. Hubby was a bit jealous and that only made the moment better. (By the way to give some context Sid knew his appa and patti much before, like say atleast for a month now. He also knew the neighbour’s kid by his name and had a smile on his face whenever I said his name. But he never understood amma. I’m thinking this should be some sort of a first in the world)

Sid has started blabbering a lot, from the moment he wakes up, he goes on babbling something and it’s so interesting him to hear him utter those meaningless sounds.

His favorite songs are still the same, but there are a couple of new additions – he loves ‘puli urumudhu’ and ‘nan adicha thaanga matta’ from Vettaikkaran. He is driving us madder these insisting to play these songs whenever we open the laptop. The other day since I wouldn’t play the songs for him, he stood over my laptop and forced me to close it down.

His sleeping pattern is changing a bit, he no longer wants to lie on my lap, even I put him on my lap, he would just get down and fall on the pillow. But I have to be next to him and keep singing till he is tired. Incase I pause, he’d say ‘uhm, uhm’ till I continue again. If I try lying down next to him, he would turn his face away to the other side.

Shouldn’t he be doing all these when he is much older?!

Sid imitates when someone sneezes. He’d do like a coughing sound as soon as he finds someone sneezes and give a mocking smile. Funnily enough he does that even when he himself sneezes.

Did I mention he still doesn’t have teeth? I got very worried about this and went to the doctor, the doc told me not to worry, etc. Apparently hubby got it late as well. A month back, when I saw two teeth sprouting, it was really like this aha-moment! But they have been growing slowly and steadily since then and am still waiting to find them growing to a size when I can refer to them as teeth, in the real sense.

Sid used to shower us with lots of kisses before. If I said ‘mutha kudu sidhuma’ he’d literally fall over me and start licking to say the least. But now he doesn’t respond the same way and doesn’t like kisses.

My boy is growing up I guess.

 

A tough decision to make

Munckin’s mom’s inspirational post got me thinking quite a bit. Early this year I had to make a tough decision – whether to get back to work or not. Usually I’m a very decisive person and go by my instinct. I do not spend a lot of time dilly-dallying over an issue. But this was quite different. Ever since I started my maternity leave which was 5th Jan to be precise, I was confused. Everyday I’d discuss this issue with everyone around at home, and I’m sure people were tired of discussing this. My mom just advised me to take it as it comes and not hurry on making a decision right away, and I should have just listened to that. But me being me, not comfortable with ambiguity, wanted to decide something quickly. But that never happened. One day I’d come up with a 100 reasons for why I should get back to work and the very next day, I’d be preaching on how great it would be to stay back at home.

 Anyways, the D-day arrived on 27th Jan and after that I’m sure I didn’t have time to think about anything other than just attending to the baby for atleast a couple of months. My maternity leave was coming to a close and I had to make a decision right then and I was still very far away from it. It was the most agonizing thing, not knowing what I really wanted. Here was a case where no one is forcing me to do anything, hubby was ok with whatever decision I made, but the buck stopped with me and I couldn’t pass on the job of making that decision to someone else. I was supposed to join around end of April and I went for an escapist route and extended my leave by another month. At the moment, I was in no mood to get back to work. I remember looking at Sid lying on the bed and he looked so tiny and it just pained me to think about leaving him with someone else. On 27th April, when I was supposed to get back to work, I was at home, having extended my leave by another month. That very day Sid rolled over for the first time. It was his first milestone and was a very precious moment for me. That convinced me even more that had I been at work then I’d have missed that beautiful moment.

My new joining date was now around end of May and as the date drew nearer I had almost admitted to myself that I had no physical or mental energy left to get back to work. Physically too I had still not recovered my stamina and would get tired too soon, too often. As I spoke to my manager I conveyed that I hadn’t still made up my mind. He asked me to talk to my HR just incase I needed any clarifications, and I spoke to the HR lady more as a formality call. That’s when she suggested that I could take a 3 months Leave of Absence and the idea appealed to me. Wow! Here I can postpone my decision by another 3 months!!

Those 3 months did a lot of magic for me. Firstly, I regained my physical strength, and in my case that is closely tied to how I feel mentally. Secondly, I had fun, a LOT of fun. For the past so many years it felt as though there were very few moments to relax. I went to movies, read books, spent quality time with family, tried my hand at writing (more on this in a different post ! ) and enjoyed being a mom, a stay-at-home mom. I guess all that made me feel much lighter with time. And Sid had grown up a bit and my mom decided to come and stay with me for a few months till I settle down. I dont know how these things evolved with time. But this was definitely one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever taken and tested my priorities to the core.

 

Stay-at-home to working mom

After 7 months of just staying with Sid at home, I have got back to work. I had taken an extended leave after the prescribed quota of leave allowed by my firm. I was really anxious about how things would go once I get back. Would I be comfortable in the work environment? Would I remember what I am supposed to do and how I am supposed to do? Would I be okay to not see Sid the whole day till I get back? After all I’ve been with him every second for the past 7 months. (Ok! every second is a bit of an exaggeration, I went to a couple of movies and restaurants and a few other places with Sid being completely oblivious to it, ofcourse he was comfy with his patti! )

The first day I got back to my office, I was wondering which floor I need to go to once I was in the lift. But, the confusion was there for a second only and then it flashed in my mind. Most things came back to me this way. After about half a day and meeting familiar faces, I was feeling much better. I’ve been working here for 3 years and a few months of being away didn’t seem to have mattered.

For the first few days, I was just glad to get out from home. And since Sid was with my mom, it didnt bother me so much that I’m away from him. I guess months of getting caged inside home does that to you. I felt a bit guilty initially, but then that faded away too. Earlier since he was just stuck with me the whole day he would usually tend to get very irritated by the evening and would start screaming. But once his dad steps in, he’d flash his million dollar smile and would make me so envious! But hey! its my turn now.. when I come back home, he smiles so much at me and cries until I carry him and that just makes my heart melt. So you see, there are positives too of getting back to work There are these moments at work, when I am so focused on getting something done and suddenly for no reason Sid’s face just pops up in my mind and I start smiling unconsciously. Also, I’ve never looked forward to weekends so much in life! Usually weekends were for unwinding and my routine would be to just clean and cook and catch up on some groceries shopping so I can be set for the week to come. I still have to  do all that , but the fact I get time with Sid on weekends just make them so special.

So far, the transition from SAHM to working mom hasnt been that difficult but then its not even a month since I joined work and the ACTUAL work hasnt even started. So, lets see how things go as time moves on. So far, so good